“Nope. This woman knows nothing about shadow alchemy. I know because she used to be a client back in 2017. Lenka, lady. What ARE you doing.”
This note was posted by a fellow woman coach on her public social media timeline. It had a screenshot of one of the modules in my Extraordinary Growth Academy…. And a few women in my audience notified me about it.
My social media manager - who picked up these messages - asked: “Lenka, what do you want to do? Do you want to reply to it? Report her? Something else? ”
“We will do nothing.” - was my response.
Except, I didn’t do *quite* nothing. I still went and looked at the post and skim-read the comments. Sure, human curiosity got the better of me; but primarily I was curious about my reaction to it…. since the actual post didn’t evoke any internal trigger… and believe me when I say that some time ago this type of comment - especially a public one - would cause an absolute havoc inside of me.
Anyway… there was a lively discussion on that thread. Some women took a lot of mickey out of me, my vocabulary etc. Some accused me of ripping the intellectual property of the said coach - which of course is not the case. Others called her on her ‘catty’ behaviour and public shaming fellow women, and challenged her to look into her own shadow that made her write that post.
As I got to the bottom of the comments, I realised: “Ok, still nothing.”
Not a trigger in sight. In fact - and this DID surprise me to the point I decided to share this with you… I felt immense GRATITUDE towards this woman.
You see, it’s true I was her client back in 2017. For the whole TWO sessions, before I cancelled.
I paid her $20K in full upfront and knew that I won’t get a cent of it back if I walked away. But I did (this was the only time when I willingly walked away from a coaching relationship that has not run its course).
It was a disaster. I cannot remember the exact details of the coaching experience. But I can remember how I felt during those coaching sessions:
My social media manager - who picked up these messages - asked: “Lenka, what do you want to do? Do you want to reply to it? Report her? Something else? ”
“We will do nothing.” - was my response.
Except, I didn’t do *quite* nothing. I still went and looked at the post and skim-read the comments. Sure, human curiosity got the better of me; but primarily I was curious about my reaction to it…. since the actual post didn’t evoke any internal trigger… and believe me when I say that some time ago this type of comment - especially a public one - would cause an absolute havoc inside of me.
Anyway… there was a lively discussion on that thread. Some women took a lot of mickey out of me, my vocabulary etc. Some accused me of ripping the intellectual property of the said coach - which of course is not the case. Others called her on her ‘catty’ behaviour and public shaming fellow women, and challenged her to look into her own shadow that made her write that post.
As I got to the bottom of the comments, I realised: “Ok, still nothing.”
Not a trigger in sight. In fact - and this DID surprise me to the point I decided to share this with you… I felt immense GRATITUDE towards this woman.
You see, it’s true I was her client back in 2017. For the whole TWO sessions, before I cancelled.
I paid her $20K in full upfront and knew that I won’t get a cent of it back if I walked away. But I did (this was the only time when I willingly walked away from a coaching relationship that has not run its course).
It was a disaster. I cannot remember the exact details of the coaching experience. But I can remember how I felt during those coaching sessions:
Bullied. Belittled. Worthless.
“I am the voice of your intuition. I know better than you, don’t trust yourself. Trust me, you must listen to what I tell you to do. My truth is the ultimate truth…..” - these were words - paraphrased by now - that stayed with me for months afterwards.
So I had to walk away. I knew that this style of coaching was truly not going to do me any good.
And after we parted our way?
The very next day or so, she put up a public post with my full name, kinda shaming me, and disclosing some details I asked her to keep confidential.
Nice “nail on the coffin”!
You can perhaps imagine how I felt about this coach afterwards. I could not bloody stand her. I just couldn’t believe the level of her unprofessional behaviour... I guilted myself for attracting her into my experience, let alone for paying her $20K for such “coaching”.
Sure, I knew there was both a REASON for creating this experience (personal feedback, something I can learn from and improve) and higher PURPOSE (something to do with a future; a preparation for something bigger, more meaningful). After all, I said this many times:
“No matter how ugly packaging some experiences have, there is a diamond inside of it, if we are willing to find it.”
Oh, and was I looking for that diamond! Was I looking for that gift! For… months!!
The fact that I attracted, and booked this coach because of her strong personal power (something I was at the time attracted to; clearly believing I didn't have it) - was obvious to me. So in a way this experience invited me to step into my own personal power.
Then, there was this whole public shaming thing. It was tricky to let go and fully embody new perspectives. It triggered my inner victim big time. But I did integrate this, over time. Through experience, I learned that no nay-sayer, hater or public shamer can take anything from us. Unless we give them energetic permission, of course.
But there was one thing I battled with for many, many months:
“I know better than you”.
“This truth is the ultimate truth”.
“Submit to me.”
Superiority.
Distorted “AS ME” feminine consciousness.
Borderline narcissism.
Call it what you like.
I couldn’t find the positive purpose of such “dark” energy. It was against every value in my being; against every standard I adopted as a coach, and someone who certified other coaches.
This way of coaching was hugely uncomfortable and didn’t serve me one bit. And I was convinced it was hurting others too (of course, in months to come I heard from a good few people who had similar experiences; reinforcing my personal belief and bias.)
Until… it clicked in a very random moment I recognised with every fibre of my being two important things:
- It wasn’t HER doing it TO me, or anyone else. That is how I experienced myself through her. Separation… gone.
- There is a huge, positive purpose for such “ dark” energy. Except it’s not “dark”, let alone “wrong”. It’s simply different.
For some people, that shade of energy is exactly what they welcome and need to step into higher personal power, authenticity and everything good that comes with it (including big cash months, for example.)
For others, it’s a way to clarify who they choose to be, and who they choose to be not - and an important step on their journey.
And for others still, including myself. All of the above. Plus, a way to integrate some of their deepest shadows.
That is what this experience gave me.
In spite of not learning very much from her in a brief period of time we worked together, she turned out to be one of my greatest teachers when it comes to energetic (and particularly shadow) alchemy. Through experience.
With that, I would like to leave this post with two messages.
For others, it’s a way to clarify who they choose to be, and who they choose to be not - and an important step on their journey.
And for others still, including myself. All of the above. Plus, a way to integrate some of their deepest shadows.
That is what this experience gave me.
In spite of not learning very much from her in a brief period of time we worked together, she turned out to be one of my greatest teachers when it comes to energetic (and particularly shadow) alchemy. Through experience.
With that, I would like to leave this post with two messages.
One for this coach (since I know she will read it):
THANK YOU. Back then, I couldn’t appreciate the power of that brief coaching experience with you. I couldn’t appreciate YOU. Now I can. You helped me to surface and integrate a whole ARMY of shadows, haha! And I became a more powerful woman, creator, entrepreneur and coach because of it. It was worth every cent of $20K and more.
Thank you for your amazing work in the world. We will never agree on some nuances of each other’s methodologies. We don’t need to. But I can say with a clear heart today that I fully appreciate how powerful YOUR way is, for your soul clients. As powerful as MY way is, for my soul clients. You are a true diamond. And perhaps, you can allow yourself to free yourself from me now? Or tomorrow? You’ll know the best. <3
The second one for you, reading this:
Go and find your biggest ‘enemy’. The people who wronged you. Hurt you. Shamed you. Set you back. And start unwrapping that ugly packaging, until you find the diamond inside. It’s there. If you haven’t found it, look some more. It’s there. And I promise you - while my limited vocabulary cannot express the power of such willingness in a single newsletter - it will change your life.
And go out there and share what’s inside of you with more people.
...Even if someone tells you that you have no idea what you are talking about.
It matters.
Love
Lenka 💕😘
P.S: You might be wondering why I haven’t named this coach. Because I put various (negative) labels on her behaviour as I was describing my experience. I wanted to be as honest about my experience as I can but please note that was my perception of her back then. How I saw her. It doesn’t describe the person herself.
P.P.S: If you’re being called to become a master of your energy and put it to work in EVERY area of your business (positioning, sales, marketing, service delivery) and create extraordinary growth in your business.... then the Extraordinary Growth Academy is open! But the doors close on Friday 29th October 2021. Time to set yourself on this extraordinary journey of growth and change? Head to
Lenka 💕😘
P.S: You might be wondering why I haven’t named this coach. Because I put various (negative) labels on her behaviour as I was describing my experience. I wanted to be as honest about my experience as I can but please note that was my perception of her back then. How I saw her. It doesn’t describe the person herself.
P.P.S: If you’re being called to become a master of your energy and put it to work in EVERY area of your business (positioning, sales, marketing, service delivery) and create extraordinary growth in your business.... then the Extraordinary Growth Academy is open! But the doors close on Friday 29th October 2021. Time to set yourself on this extraordinary journey of growth and change? Head to
